there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
