Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you would pick up someone in the library
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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