I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
