my phone cant type all the emotion im having
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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