And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
