Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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