you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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