In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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