Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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