I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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