Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
