I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
