Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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