he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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