I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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