that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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