One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
