Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
