Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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