my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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