My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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