How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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