When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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