I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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