i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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