I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
