i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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