your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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