I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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