The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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