Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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