i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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