I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize