i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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