he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
