MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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