In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize