I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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