id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
