I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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