i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize