I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
