so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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