haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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