i love accidental penises.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
