I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
4 words: hood of his car
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize