I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
