At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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