Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
