god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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