the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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