Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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